There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
