he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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