i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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