Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
