My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
