I wish I only lived at night.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
