Betty ford says i'm here all night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
