He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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