Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
