Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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