Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize