Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
