Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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