I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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