The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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