I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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