Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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