Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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