I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize