you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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