i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When are your genitals available?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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