While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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