No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
