I just pynch a tree in the face
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sober January is a disaster.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
