We named our party play list daddy issues
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize