I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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