you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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