I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize