she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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