Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
