Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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