Umm I'm too high to move.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
