At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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