i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
