At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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