i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
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