I seem to have left my pride at pride
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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