i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
