I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she smelled like a LAN party
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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