Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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