I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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