so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
