too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
