okay pat passed out under dana's car
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize