only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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