Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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