how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
