I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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