u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
