She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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