Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize