My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
