I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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