Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize