I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
