why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
