Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
