I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
