1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
