Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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