I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
