She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
