I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
