You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
