everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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