I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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