i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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