you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
