I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
