Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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