'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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