she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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