So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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