I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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