pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
