I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
