At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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