i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
