Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
