So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
