Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
