Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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