Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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