I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
