You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i came on her dog
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
