my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
