Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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