I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
