so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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