how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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