I wish I could teleport
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want her autograph on my taint
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
