3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His hands were made for my vagina.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
