and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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